When the description of this house read: "Great Potential, 2 Family Duplex With 3Brs Apartments On Each Floor And Finished Basement,” I couldn't wait to see the accompanying pictures. It was just what we've been looking for here in Brooklyn, right? Oh, shit. Maybe not. The asking price is $925K. Whew! Just under a million, praise be!! But, still, I’m tempted to look, fool that I am. C'mon! Let's take a peek!
"WELCOME" is the only word that comes to mind when you see locks and plywood covering the entrance door and windows to this classic gem. It's compelling, tempting... what's inside? When you push through the plywood, what's in store? The pretty little Munchkin town that Dorthy found as she pushed open the tornado battered door of her farm house? No, silly-dilly. Not even close!
"WELCOME" is the only word that comes to mind when you see locks and plywood covering the entrance door and windows to this classic gem. It's compelling, tempting... what's inside? When you push through the plywood, what's in store? The pretty little Munchkin town that Dorthy found as she pushed open the tornado battered door of her farm house? No, silly-dilly. Not even close!
Behold, the foyer! Aren't you curious about who/what lives under the stairs? Ever see the movie "C.H.U.D.?" Well, in this home, the "dwellers" were "living" above ground, however... living in the sewer isn't a far cry from this moldering swamp boat.
Ahhh, the "living room." I'm sure the previous owners were nice and toasty as their place burned down before their eyes. Why have a fire place when you can set the whole house aflame? Well, at least you can find peace and warmth as you light up your flaming crack pipe in this cozy hole. Look! Exposed beams. How rustic!
What's wrong with this picture? I'm not even sure what to say about this, except for that it certainly is an inviting place to cook... your own methamphetamine, that is.
Look! A ready-made sky-light. All you need is an umbrella on rainy nights and you can feel this wondrous element landing right on your own god damned face. Can you imagine snow falling lightly down through your comfy abode? A winter wonderland for sure! Quick, kids! Get on your boots. We're going to play in the living room now! I'm sorry... When will the punishment end?
A peek down into the "finished" basement is enough to make you skip the light Fandango! As my brother noted to me in an email about this property, "The basement REALLY IS 'finished." As in, it's fucking gone."
Well, I guess, that's all that needs to be said of this smoldering shit box. Leave it for the true millionaires, the 1%, the bastards who make living in this city impossible. They'll gut it, turn it into $1M condos and call it a day. The rest of the 99%-- at least the 1% of the 99%-- will have to keep hunting and praying that something is left for us to snarl over like a pack of hyenas during the End Days.
Well, I guess, that's all that needs to be said of this smoldering shit box. Leave it for the true millionaires, the 1%, the bastards who make living in this city impossible. They'll gut it, turn it into $1M condos and call it a day. The rest of the 99%-- at least the 1% of the 99%-- will have to keep hunting and praying that something is left for us to snarl over like a pack of hyenas during the End Days.